Octeaber: Tea Confessions – Hashtag Teaclub & tea bagging Marvin Gaye

Happy Sunday evening to you T’witchy folk! I hope your day has been filled with a splendiferous roasting (of the meat and two veg variety), box set catching up and an inordinate amount of your favourite tea blends whilst you get to grips with the Iraqi war zone that is your ironing basket. Whilst you read this, Tetley Tutu Tits and I will be in a cottage in the rural tranquility of the outskirts of York huddled around a real log burning fire, romantically feeding each other Hotel Chocolat in ostentatiously decorated Disney character pyjamas AND wondering who would die first if our trip descended into a scene from the acclaimed horror film Hostel. (Probably PG Prickety-Prat by the way, lacks resilience in murder based situations). How romantic. As a result, we will also have to deal with the terrifying holiday predicament experienced by anyone under the age of 35 with a smartphone. No, not accidentally hearing your parents engage in a ‘birds & bees’ practical and debating whether to upload it to X-tube, but worse. POOR INTERNET RECEPTION. Horrific.

Therefore tea leaves, this is a scheduled post so I do not disappoint you, throw my laptop out of the window and begin a chain brew binge to cope with the BUFFERING SPINNY WHEEL OF DEATH. A full review of the Little Tea Shop of Horrors event will be posted when I arrive back on Tuesday for my *ahem* star radio performance on BBC Radio Sheffield at 2:30 (your ears will forever bleed if you do not listen!). However, do not fear; the highly capable Michael from Hashtag Teaclub is looking after you tonight, as he takes you through his Tea Confessions ranging from teabagging Americans, Barry White and the M62. Get a brew on…


S’up Brew: What tea was your ‘tea awakening’ and led you to take the humble brew more seriously?

Ey up lass. Me tea awakening were probably back in June 2010 when I were in London to stay the night with a friend I would be working with in America for the summer. It was only for one night but my one night with Sam changed my life (steady!). He took me to an amazing place called a local grocery store because he needed to get some Yorkshire Tea to pack in his suitcase. I didn’t particularly see the importance of packing tea when travelling overseas but he was potty about it. Needless to say, I was tempted by the offer on Yorkshire Tea so decided to buy a box of that and Twinings Earl Grey. It just about squeezed into my suitcase and it served me well every day when I’d carry 3 tea bags with me in a small paper envelope to the dining hall for breakfast, lunch and dinner. The rest as they say…

Yorkshire Tea Twat caught in Waitrose tea aisle wank incident
Yorkshire Tea Twat caught in Waitrose tea aisle wank incident

Move Oolong: What was the most disappointing tea you have tried and why?

I’ve had some right bad do’s with tea in my time so I have. I remember the time I forgot to bring the Yorkshire Tea with me to the canteen in America and had to settle for a Lipton tea bag. I mean, what’s it all about? Doesn’t brew,. Doesn’t taste like tea. Doesn’t have a clue basically! In this country though I get proper disappointed when cafes don’t use freshly boiled water. You should always use freshly boiled water when making tea. My parents bought me one of those ‘100 cups of tea for £1’ boxes for a laugh once and erm, well, yeah. Total rubbish. Put it this way, I would much rather have a cup of PG Tips. Don’t do it! Not even for fun.

Hospitali-tea: What tea would you rustle up if someone popped round unexpectedly and why? 

If you were coming round me penthouse suite I’d… well first of all I need to know who it is. If it’s me Dad then i’ll just make him a regular brew, although he does appreciate a green tea every now and then. If it were our Charlie I’d make her some Kenyan & Assam loose leaf tea, only for her to go ‘just tastes like tea this”. If it were someone who’s just come to me penthouse suite for the first time, I’d bring out the Brew Tea Co to blow their minds! If it were yourself Witchy, we’d have to get the ‘special reserve’ out.

Sexual Tea-ling: What tea would you use to impress someone & get them in the mood?

Well I’d have to make an effort. I remember this one time I welcomed Charlie home from work with a trail of teabags that lead upstairs to the bathroom. I made a playlist on my iPod, which consisted of Barry White, Luther Vandross, R. Kelly and Marvin Gaye. I even put bubble bath in. When she entered the room, I offered her a cup of tea whilst swaying to ‘Sexual Healing’. It wasn’t just any old cup of tea mind you. It were a cup of Yorkshire Gold. I pulled out all the stops but all I got back were “pick up them bloody tea bags!”. She want happy.

N'awwww, look at his little tea loving mug
N’awwww, look at his little tea loving mug

Infini-tea & Beyond: You are on death row for unspeakable brew-related crimes (I’ve seen your violent teabagging!). What would be your ‘last brew’ selection?

Not worth thinking abart really is it? I mean, could you imagine? By ‘eck I’d be having a bad day if someone came and told me I could only have one more brew. It would be a nightmare scenario. Part of me could revolt and have coffee in protest but then part of me thinks ‘don’t be daft’. Bah gum I’ve no idea what I’d have. There’s just too much out there and there’s just as much in my tea drawer, not to mentioned my self storage unit just off the M62. The traditionalist in me would say Yorkshire Tea but I could easily go for a majestic We Are Tea – Honeybush. It’s been a revelation for me this year. But please, don’t suggest such frightening scenarios.

REMEMBER WHY WE ARE DOING THIS…

CONTINUE TO SHOW YOUR SUPPORT BY DONATING ONLINE AT THE JUSTGIVING PAGE, ATTENDING SOME OF THE MUGEN TEA HOUSE FUNDRAISING TEA TASTING EVENINGS, AND GET INVOLVED WITH THE TWITTER HYPE!

Check back tomorrow for the next Octeaber blogging challenge instalment!

 

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