Ooooh Matron: Health Update (if you care…)

Contrary to popular belief, I am not Wonder Woman. Shame, she has great tits. Mammories aside, she also doesn’t get struck down with hideous chest infections/pnemonia/bronchitis either – I know, what a double bitch having fabulous knockers and an SAS immune system. I digress…

So yes, I’ve not been well recently and unfortunately the spait of ill health does not seem to be abating. As a result, wanted to let y’all know – if you give a flying two shits anyway – that I need to take a brief hiatus from blogging for a while. This is because my evenings are spent recovering from trying to keep up with my actual day job, which means baths, sleep and OBVIOUSLY vats of medicinal tea (and Hotel Chocolat). Don’t panic, this isn’t the ‘taking a break to pursue awkward solo projects’ that jaded boy bands use as a precursor to breaking up (still reeling from JLS’ decision). I fully intend to come back to blogging hard, fast and like a rat up a drainpipe when I feel better as I really miss it.

Please look at this surgeon dog. LOOK AT IT. This makes me feel better already. Hopefully he will help you to forgive my mortal foibles.
Please look at this surgeon dog. LOOK AT IT. This makes me feel better already. Hopefully he will help you to forgive my mortal foibles.

But right now, I need to channel my inner lifestyle blogger, read lots of pretentious self help books, and buy shares in Lush bath products to ensure I can get better. I’ll still be posting on Twitter and Instagram when I can – I mean, what else am I going to do in the bath? – so you won’t even notice that I’m not blogging as regularly ;).

In the meantime though, why not remind yourself of some of my proudest dir-tea moments. Who could forget the obscene Jollybrew Mint Choc Royale review (still unsure why I haven’t been arrested yet)? Not to mention my scathing assessment of green tea in comparison to Yoda’s jock strap and drag queens in my Tg Green Tea review. And let’s not gloss over my latest instalment on Dandylion Tea, where bosoms make an appearance in the first line and fruit teas get a bit of a battering. See, you can entertain yourself with my back catalog as I sit on my back side pondering other people’s back doors. What’s not to love?

What about these cat nurses? Surely you forgive me now...
What about these cat nurses? Surely you forgive me now…

So Auf Weidersein for now loyal Twitchers. Thank you for your continued support. In the words of the Terminator: ‘I want your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle.’ Oh, hang on…wrong line, although feel free to send me those things to cheer me up, that’d be champion. I mean:

I’LL BE BACK.

DON’T FORGET TO GET INVOLVED IN THE TWITTER TEA BANTER AND TEA/STATIONERY PORN ON INSTAGRAM!

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