A Quickie in Grandma’s Garden: Artisan Teas & Coffee Review

Picture the scene.

You are 13. Your face resembles a pepperoni pizza. And you are so pumped full of hormones that even the Incredible Hulk wouldn’t cross you.

There’s that one boy/girl, that one Adonis or Aphrodite that is the centre of your universe and – let’s be realistic – wet dreams. Alas, whilst you know EVERYTHING about them down to the shape, weight and size of their last bowel movement, they know naff all about you. In fact, they don’t even know you exist.

Then, one day during a frog dissection in science class, it happens. They acknowledge you are a living, breathing human being. I mean, ‘pass me the tongs you twat,’ counts as flirting, right?

It happens again two weeks later. This time in the corridor, as a paper plane thrown by their fair hand lands on your perfectly coiffed bonce. Basically a marriage proposal.

It escalates: fast forward a few months and you find yourself alone with the object of your desire, tingling in anticipation that you might finally wrap your brace infested mouth around theirs. They edge closer to you, tripping over their too large Timberlands/Kickers/in-fashion brogue in the process. They open their fag smelling gob to jam it against yours in hormone-fuelled yet misguided teenage lust.

This is it. This is totally it. Your (wet) dreams are coming true! You are so ready to engage in sloppy mouth hockey ecstasy, until…

…until you realise where you are. You spot oversized y-fronts on a washing line. An awkwardly posed gnome. The overwhelming stench of wee.

Shit. You’re in Granny’s Garden.


AND THAT, folks, THAT is what Artisan Teas & Coffee Granny’s Garden tastes like – bittersweet teenage bliss. In a very good way.

The lovely Antonette at Artisan Teas & Coffee sent me Granny’s Garden to try after my usual Twitter bantz. It is a gorgeous rooibos tea including freeze-dried strawberry, blackberry and raspberry pieces and wild strawberry leaves. Honestly, it is better than the first knee-trembler of your youth.

The rooibos gives that familiar earthy, nutty base, whilst the fruit adds a sherbety after-taste that leaves you wanting – no – needing more! It reminds me of We Are Tea’s Honeybush which was (rudely!) discontinued; Artisan’s offering is a welcome and (dare I say I it) better substitute.

img_0627
Seriously good bush!

Antonette & Co. have nailed this redbush harder than a teenage boy losing his virginity. It’s bold, sweet and more-ish, and I recommend you nab some now before the whole world knows about it! I’ve nearly finished my sampler packet already and I’ve only had it a week; luckily there is a 1kg stash for £29.99 that I will definitely be ordering!

I look forward to trying more brews from Artisan Teas & Coffee…and seeing you for a quickie in Granny’s Garden ;)!

DON’T FORGET TO GET INVOLVED IN THE TWITTER TEA BANTER AND TEA PORN ON INSTAGRAM!

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