Ms Tea Witch: ‘BABE! WTF is all this redbush doing in the sink? It’s EVERYWHERE! The kitchen, the arm of the sofa, the bloody bath! Do we live in a marijuana den? Are we students? WE ARE NOT F**KING STUDENTS ANYMORE!’
Me: ‘Errr…I love you?!’
Do you have this predicament, tea friends? Your loved ones baffled by your loose leaf paraphernalia? Risking arguments, dumping or – even worse – celibacy due to your dir-tea habits?
Didn’t think it was just me.
I needed to solve our #firstworldproblem and fast. Otherwise Witchy would not get it, if you catch my drift. Us tea aficionados need a clean, domestic-abuse avoiding way to enjoy a proper brew.
I set to work.
I boiled down (geddit!?) the perfect brewing companion to three criteria:
- Not as messy, cumbersome or ‘OMG are you eighty?!’ as a ceramic teapot, but providing the same great taste;
- More parter-friendly and hygienic than a traditional tea strainer, but with the same ‘I need a brew RIGHT BLOODY NOW’ convenience;
- On a par with Apple product kudos i.e. the kind of thing that people think you are w**ker for owning. I have an iPhone 7 Plus. I’m not adverse to being THAT w**ker.
Easy then. I’d seen a product matching this description on the tabletops of Piacha, Massis Tea and Yumchaa when I was down in London, but I hadn’t the foggiest idea what it was. I thought something so ‘southern’ couldn’t compute with my northern brain. I mean, I’ve only recently learned that ‘the’ is a valid word. (Still not convinced that it is.)
Adagio’s InginuiTEA is both a pun I wish I had come up with, and my favourite bit of brew kit I have ever owned. Yep, I’m going there.
When I opened the box I was serenaded by an Italian orchestra AND presented with a space age teapot that wouldn’t look amiss at an Apple iPhone 90 launch (but is practically the same as model 89, just with go-faster stripes). Thankfully, it was nowhere near as complicated as an iPhone. It didn’t even have any instructions, as if Adagio were proving that a monkey could use it.
In six easy steps, I had a mind blowing teagasm experience.
STEP ONE: Pop loose leaves in the BPA plastic mug (and then curse yourself for using the word ‘pop’ as you are beginning to sound like your mom).
STEP TWO: Pour over boiling or hot water (if you’re a green tea weirdo).
STEP THREE: Leave to steep for the desired length of time whilst pretending to moonwalk on the kitchen floor, and totally tripping out on the pretty leaves flying around the pot (see Video 1).
STEP FOUR: Bosh InginuiTEA on top of your favourite mug. The valve at the bottom releases infused tea into the cup, whilst keeping those pesky leaves out. Think of it like Donald Trump’s wall and immigrants (see Video 2).
STEP FIVE: Quickly dispose of leaves into bin before partner/mom/friend with benefits notices, and whack InginuiTEA in dishwasher or sink to clean.
STEP SIX: Sip your perfect brew, put feet up and feel smug that you have avoided another domestic. Partner points for you!
And that is it. Nowt fancy. Just good, honest, brewing goodness.
I love the simplici-tea of the InginuiTEA. All the best products are simple, like supermodels. I also love its relationship saving properties; no fuss, no mess and no stress to use and clean. It has given my tea more flavour, as there is more room for the leaves to breathe than in a tiny tea basket, similar to wearing baggy trousers at an all you can eat buffet.
I’m a big fan of its portabili-tea too, as it looks more ‘marvellous mug’ than ‘twatty teapot’. I got adventurous and tried it in the bath whilst snapchatting pictures of my mugs to #TeaClub. True story.
So, should you buy one? Most definitely. Buy two and be your very own Tea-J on the decks. At £18 a pop it would be rude not to; I have a £30 Harrod’s teapot that is nowhere near as good.
Go on, go on, GO ON…it will revolutionise your tea, your relationship and YOUR LIFE.